Pub Talk; the cheeky city official and his driving misfortune

http://www.newtimes.co.rw/index.php?issue=14199&article=6446

BY George Kagame

Not much worth your noble attention happened during the course of last week in our here backyard. Therefore if you were looking for sense when you purchased today's copy of this newspaper, please don't read any further From The Hammock. My advise is you turn to the next page.

But if you are still reading then I write for people like you, please continue and since nothing of note happened to motivate me to undertake a VERY SERIOUS analysis of the subject I am left with no option but to invite you to partake in the idle chit chats that I proverbially indulge in at the Pub Talk normally happening in the abode of Ship&Anchor, the most beloved watering hole of yours truly.

Faced with the lack of any event last week sensible enough so as to motivate yours truly to write about, I have the honour and pleasure to call upon the reporter in me. And like all reporters the world over, every night I go to bed I pray to God that some misfortune happens in his world. This prayer can range from massive destruction as a result of earthquakes, and in this regard 2010 has been so wonderful to reporters and newsmen, so thank you God for answering our prayers. 

From earthquakes in Haiti and Chile that caused hitherto unknown misery there to the landslides in Eastern Uganda.  Such things or others of enormous importance need to happen occasionally and preferably on a weekly basis such that you can count on an epic column every sunday as you sip your favourite blend of coffee/tea or while gallop down your favourite alcoholic beverage at your chosen place of fellowship with old chums. 

In fact natural disasters help to keep us in work to a large extent, be they floods, volcanic eruptions and droughts. They are a blessing as long they don't claim our own lives, we like to call ourselves; Cowboy NEVER DIE. Of course as human beings we have empathy but this is immediately overridden by the need to get a story, so it is strictly a short time commodity this empathy thing.

When we are not praying to God to send some mega destruction, we are hoping that fellow man does something so odd so that with our pens, cameras and empty heads we rush to ask such men; "Whats up man?" But this past week none of that happened in our here backyard. Save for a Kigali City official that is accused for driving over a leader of one of the country's political parties and running away, only to return moments later and play innocent bystander.

But this official is so 'small' a  man to get the attention and publicity of The Hammock because, as explained above, he of the swinging bed needs something epic to rant about in the guise of a column and that he is now 'columning' on the misfortune of the Liberal Party founding member who died after being being run over by the said City official, is a sign how news has been so scarce in here our backyard. 

Last week was a blessing for columnists far lazier than The Hammock. It was reported that an army General had allegedly escaped from his troops, and as if in shock, most notable columnists were tipping over themselves in faked shrieks screaming out against the intentions and discipline of alleged traitor. Now really, what do you expect an army general to do after a war? And in this particular case after a series of wars? Become a priest or take my lame job? That of praying that the world faces frequent apocalypses so that I can keep reporting at my station? Oh, there were grenades blowing up here and there. I also prayed for the victims of these dangerous 'stones.'

So in a week that no military General escaped, me and my brotherhood of columnists, to whom we are in complete discretion and anonymity of each other, were left with no option but to wonder at the shenanigans of the City official and his comical misery after killing a citizen of notable repute in our here backyard.  

What attracts our attention however is not the death of the Liberal Party official, (Bless his Soul dear God,) but the single most foolhardy act the City official did in a futile attempt at damage limit control. It was reported that after driving over his unfortunate victim the city official never stopped, instead he zoomed past and packed his Grande Suzuki, (what else?) at a fuel station ahead, only to return moments later and act as one of the witnesses. 

Kigali  being Kigali, in an instant after the official hit the man who had moments earlier left his home that is situated on the eastern throngs of our beloved city people gathered quickly, I don’t know where they normally come from, but there is already a crowd. They crawl from the woodwork. They surrounded this hapless man. The city gives birth to them in throngs. As a senior city official he must have known better, which begs the question, how did he get his senior management post in the first place? 

But anyway he stood among the crowds and was also innocently asking like everybody else; " What happened? Who knocked him? What was the number plate of the vehicle he was driving?"

 Really City official which movies do you watch? You are advised to discard Ki'Nigeria if you survive a very long sentencing in 1930.

The line of actions that this official should have done is left to you the reader,  but since this is Kigali that we are still talking about, conspiracy is already doing the rounds. It is now on record that the dead man testified earlier in a Gacaca court case were the brother of the official was accused and sentenced for his role in the 1994 Genocide.